Rockstar

It's hard being a bonus mom. Most of the time I put on my game face and I don't let anyone know that I'm struggling. Being the mom on a day to day basis, but not ever hearing a little voice calling you "Mommy" is tough. Something happened tonight though that made tears come to my eyes.

Danny and I went to parent/teacher conferences at Hailey's school tonight. We were a little nervous, but everything went great. She is doing well with her reading and we need to work on her math skills a bit more. At the end of the conference though, we went in the hallway and looked at the pictures on the wall. Each of the kids drew a picture of themselves and answered a bunch of questions. One of the questions was, "Name your family members." I looked all over for my name the list and couldn't find "Jess" anywhere. Hailey's said, "Daddy, Grandma, Papa, Isabella - her sister, Brett - her mommy's fiance, Mom, and Mom. That's right, Hailey called me Mom. My eyes welled with tears and I felt like a million bucks! This should tide my insecurities over for quite awhile. I love that little girl!

Visits from Dad and a New Shaver

As many of you know, last weekend my Dad came to visit so he could go see the Cowboys/Chiefs game with us. We had an awesome time having him visit! I know he was quite impressed with the big dogs. I've got to tell you, there isn't much cuter than watching your dad play Guess Who with your daughter. He used to play that game with Jenna and me all of the time. Here are a few pictures from the game.

And here are your Kansas City Chiefs!

One of Dad's favorite players, Miles Austin. He had an awesome game!

More Chiefs entrance pics.

The football crazies.

I love this picture of us!

Seriously, how hot is Tony Romo? And isn't my camera amazing?!

Also, I'd like to issue a welcome to the newest member of the Shaver family: Daisy Shaver. She's a doll and we are crazy about her. Right now, she's all curled up in my lap taking a nap. Dr. G saw her today and says she is completely healthy. I can't wait for everyone to see her!

My Best Friend.....

My best friend died today. She wasn't much of a talker, but she let me know every day that she loved me. Each morning when I woke up, every day when I got home, and each night before I went to bed, I would get licks and nuzzles that told me I was special.

Journey was my Valentine's Day present from Danny in 2008. When we got her, she was 8 weeks old and only 4 lbs. She let us know immediately that she was going to have quite the personality. Our first night home with her, I had her outside every hour on the hour because I didn't want her to wake up the neighbors with her crying in the kennel. It tooks months, but we settled into a routine of Danny keeping her up late to play, and me getting up with her early to play some more.

She was so smart and always did so amazing in her training classes. Her favorite was "come when called." We would have to stand at the end of the aisle in PetSmart while the trainer held her on her leash. Then we would call her name, and she would have to leave all the treats and come to us. All of the other dogs would always stop at the treats, but not Journey. She just cared about being with me.

We took her with us everywhere. She went to Hailey's softball and soccer games, at times to work, and frequent trips back home. Journey was an amazing car rider. I know it wasn't safe, but she loved to curl up in my lap while I drove.

As a puppy, she was a wild woman. She ran everywhere and played constantly. I can't tell you the number of times that she woke us up with a squeaking ball. Within the last few months, she was starting to grow up and calm down more. She cuddled with me all of the time and was just the perfect size to curl up with on the couch. I loved waking up in the night to feel her curled up on the back of my legs.

She was a terror at times too.At last count, she destroyed: two pairs of glasses, three lamp cords, numerous toys, the cord for the cell phone and home phone, my Ipod headphones, all of my Old Navy flip flops for the 2008 season, tennis shoes, and an attempt on my cell phone. After eating those things, she would look up at you with that adorable face as if she was saying, "Oops. I didn't mean to." Luckily she had outgrown the chewing.

On an afternoon in March, I got out of the shower, and Journey's head was shaking in a weird manner. Then, about 10 minutes later, she lost control of her back legs and couldn't walk. We rushed her to the vet and found out that she had had a seizure. Dr. G explained that it was probable that it would happen again. He also explained that it could be from a seizure condition, or from a mass on her brain. We left there a little worried about what might come, but were not willing to spend the money on the doggy CT Scan.

In the last 6 months, Journey's seizure count was up to 4. We have also noticed that her personality was changing. She has been getting cranky and would bark at odd times. We also noticed her getting more and more aggressive at times as well. The vet said that this could be caused by either a mass on her brain, or seizure disorders also can cause aggressiveness. Today, she bit my niece who had done nothing to provoke her. Adi is fine and it didn't break the skin. However, Danny and I knew that next time it could be worse. I talked to Dr. G as well, and he also agreed that this wouldn't be an isolated incident and Journey's condition would only worsen.

Danny and I took her in. Because I knew she would freak out if I tried to leave her alone at the vet, we stayed and she died comfortably and happy on my lap. That's where she always wanted to be anyway. I think this was the hardest thing I've ever had to do.

I just buried my best friend.

No one knows the real reason we got Journey. I had been living in Kansas City for 8 months and I was terribly homesick. It was hard on me knowing that Danny had Hailey who always chose him, and no one picked me. I loved my little family, but I need someone here that was here for me since all of my family was 200 miles away. We picked Journey out online and she stole my heart immediately. We puppy shopped for quite awhile before we found her. The minute I saw her, I knew she was the one.

She has been the best dog and friend anyone could ever ask for. My heart is breaking into a million pieces tonight as I know I will never see her little smile again, or see her little butt shake because she is so excited to see me. I just saw Charlie pick up one of her toys and was angry that he dared touch it. My baby is gone. I know we did the right thing, but it doesn't help me know that she will never run through the backyard she was so happy in again. I dread going to bed tonight because she always jumped in bed and layed on my pillow first.

I miss my friend.

We love you Journey America Shaver and we can't wait to see you again.

Happy Birthday Adilynn!

Dear Adilynn Sariah,

Happy 1st Birthday my darling niece! I am so excited that I get to help you celebrate this big day. Most people are never lucky enough to be able to have their niece or nephew living with them. I am so blessed to have this opportunity.

I remember when your mommy called me and told me that I was going to be an aunt. I was so incredibly excited and told the news to everyone I could find. In my life, I have been lucky enough to have so many aunts who have helped me along the way. I couldn't believe that I was going to get to hold that honored title myself!

I waited and waited to find out whether I would have a niece or a nephew. When I found out what your name would be, I was even more excited. I immediately started stockpiling little presents and outfits for you. When Grandma told us that your Mommy was in labor, I couldn't stop thinking about you, little bean. I hated that you were so far away and I wouldn't be able to hold you right away. When you arrived safe and sound, I thanked God that He had given our family you. I knew that you would be such a joy for your Mommy and Daddy.

I sent Grandma and Papa over with some presents and even mailed you a few more. I wanted you to know right away that Aunt Jess loved you best; well after Mommy, Daddy, Grandma, and Papa.

When Mommy called and said that you were coming home for Christmas, I was so excited to share that holiday with you. Uncle Danny and I were so happy that you were able to be there for our wedding too! I think since Mommy and Daddy signed our marriage license, that made you the "Baby of Honor."

From the first time I held you, I knew you were special. You've always been funny around strangers, but after the first couple times of being around me, you were content to be with me. When you guys were back to visit this past April, one of the nights before you left, we went to eat Mexican. You were fussy with anyone who tried to hold you. I grabbed you though and walked around singing to you, and you nuzzled into me and fell asleep. It was so hard to let you go that night. Now that you are back in Missouri with your Mommy, I have treasured every piece of time I have had with you. Your legs are getting so strong, and you will be walking any time. Your smile is so sweet sometimes I almost get tears in my eyes. You are just so beautiful, Adi. When you reach for me to hold you, I swear my heart swells in my chest.

I know someday I will have more nieces and nephews. Each one will be so special to me because I will love them all for different reasons. Just know my darling girl that you made me an aunt for the first time. There will always be such a special place in my heart for you.

Adi in her walker.

Adi smiling up at her Mommy.

The Leimkuhler Family

I pray everyday for your Daddy, baby girl. I pray that he comes home safe for you and your Mommy. Just know that your Daddy is so brave and you should be so proud of him.

Part of me can't wait for you to get older. I can't wait to have you spend a weekend with us so we can spoil you rotten. Or when you are a teenager, for you to come for a week in the summer. Right now though, I am enjoying watching you change from a baby to your own little person. You are so funny and every day you somehow make me laugh.

Happy Birthday Adi! I love you to the moon and back!

Love,

Aunt Jess

Happy Birthday to Me :)

I turn 26 tomorrow. I know that is not old, and I'm not going to pretend that it is. However, it does feel strange. Five years ago, I was at work counting the minutes until I got off and could go buy some beer. Just in the last year my life has changed so much. Since my last birthday, I have bought my first new car, gotten married, and bought my first home. So many changes, but all good ones. It's just amazing to me sometimes that I'm not the same punk kid who loved karaoke, but instead am someone's wife and mother. I have a feeling thought that 26 will be my best year ever!

Loss

If you dislike the Kennedy's in any way, I suggest that you turn away from this post right now and come back another day.


If you like the Kennedy family, or are at least indifferent, stay awhile as I give my tribute to a family whom I greatly admire.


As a history major, I have always been a voracious reader of biographies and such. Reading is a way for me to live a life in the past. Be a hero, gain knowledge, slay dragons, and fight crime. I'm a dreamer, but not a doer. In second grade, I began my love affair with Abraham Lincoln. This included memorizing the Gettysburg Address at age 8, continued with numerous papers about him and my reading of several biographies. Eventually my passion dwindled and our affair ended.


In high school, my interests changed to the Roosevelts, and then to the Roosevelt women. This lasted approximately a minute as I found the Roosevelts to be a bit spoiled and whiny.

College came, and with it a book entitled Jackie, Ethel, and Joan. I fell head over heels for these three Kennedy spouses. I began reading everything I could about the Kennedy family. Biographies on the Kennedy men, the Kennedy women, and then their children. I never tired or grew bored with any knowledge I gained regarding this family.

I'm not someone who worshipped the Kennedy family. I don't have pictures of them on my wall, and I don't pretend that they didn't have faults. We all fall short of the glory of God. What is more important is what they gave me.


Through reading, I was on the PT 109 with Jack saving the lives of my countryman. While flying through the air with Joe Jr, I earned the Navy Cross and died for the USA. Kathleen taught me to dance, flirt, and win over the English gentry. With Rosemary, I felt the pain of being slow in a family where witty banter and knowledge meant everything. Eunice shared her compassion, Bobby his courage, Pat her insecurities, Jean her desire for a normal life, and Teddy the feelings of not quite measuring up.

I connected with the Kennedy family. Coming from a large, loving family myself, I could understand their fierce loyalty for each other. Their Catholic faith was the same as my own faith. Just reading about them, I was filled with "vig-ah." Encouraged by Jack to "Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country," I have worked on Habitat Houses, volunteered in food pantries, and picked up litter on the side of the road. One of my favorite service projects was to serve food to the elderly in college. Because of Ted's constant battling in the Senate, I had access to student loans and had the priviledge of attending college. Teddy led the way for FMLA to be passed so that I can rest easy and know that after childbirth, I will not lose my job if I stay home for a couple of months with my baby. And If I lose that job for whatever reason, I know that my family will still have access to healthcare through Cobra. I am grateful to Eunice for starting the Special Olympics which afforded me the opportunity to be a "buddy" not once, but twice; Both whom touched my life in a special way. Bobby once quoted the Serpant in George Bernard Shaw's play Back to Methuselah, "There are those that look at things the way that they are, and ask why? I dream of things that never were, and ask why not?"

I am saddened that only Jean is left. There was something magical knowing that so many Kennedys were still alive. Losing both Eunice and Teddy so close together is tough. Of the original set of Kennedy spouses, only Ethel, Joan, and Sargent Shriver still remember the magic and the charisma of this family.

Sometimes I wonder if such a family will ever appear in American history again. A family with such passion for public service, with a desire to better themselves. A family from humble roots, Catholic politicians when Catholics were somewhat feared, and a family who wanted to inspire people and change the world. However, I draw strength from the words that Senator Kennedy spoke at the 1980 Democratic Convention. "For all those whose cares have been our concern, the work goes on, our cause endures, the hope still lives, and the dream shall never die."

RIP Edward Moore Kennedy. I'm certain that Jesus and your family welcomed you home.

School Already?

So the old camera is still messed up, but this was taken on my cell phone. This is what Hailey has taken to referring to as her Hannah Montana outfit. She wore this her second day of school and definitely thought she was hot stuff. Danny and I are having a tough time thinking of her as a 2nd grader, but she is! She is adjusting so well to her new school and is making a ton of friends. We could not be more proud of her!

Both Hailey and I have recently changed our appearances somewhat dramatically. Hailey got about 6 inches cut off of her hair, and I got 8 inches. Granted, both are still less than the amount that my baby sister lost - see haircut. We are both still happy with the changes.

If you are on Facebook, you've probably seen that I have been working out a lot. Two weeks ago, I decided to join Curves and I feel great. My goal is to not only get healthy for myself, but to set a good example for Hailey. If I manage to finally motivate my Dad in the process, then I will be over the moon!

Danny and I painted our spare bedroom last weekend. It's now burnt almond, but looks pretty snazzy. He continually is such a gift to me and is so supportive of everything that I do. It's such a great motivator to come home from working out and to hear him say, "Babe I'm so proud of you." Plus he grills some mean mahi mahi.

I'm hoping to get the camera fixed here soon, so we will start being so much more interesting shortly. Keep the faith. And if you get a chance, come visit. I'm homesick...bring Gem City!