Tuesday, October 27, 2009


It's hard being a bonus mom. Most of the time I put on my game face and I don't let anyone know that I'm struggling. Being the mom on a day to day basis, but not ever hearing a little voice calling you "Mommy" is tough. Something happened tonight though that made tears come to my eyes.

Danny and I went to parent/teacher conferences at Hailey's school tonight. We were a little nervous, but everything went great. She is doing well with her reading and we need to work on her math skills a bit more. At the end of the conference though, we went in the hallway and looked at the pictures on the wall. Each of the kids drew a picture of themselves and answered a bunch of questions. One of the questions was, "Name your family members." I looked all over for my name the list and couldn't find "Jess" anywhere. Hailey's said, "Daddy, Grandma, Papa, Isabella - her sister, Brett - her mommy's fiance, Mom, and Mom. That's right, Hailey called me Mom. My eyes welled with tears and I felt like a million bucks! This should tide my insecurities over for quite awhile. I love that little girl!

Saturday, October 17, 2009

Visits from Dad and a New Shaver

As many of you know, last weekend my Dad came to visit so he could go see the Cowboys/Chiefs game with us. We had an awesome time having him visit! I know he was quite impressed with the big dogs. I've got to tell you, there isn't much cuter than watching your dad play Guess Who with your daughter. He used to play that game with Jenna and me all of the time. Here are a few pictures from the game.

And here are your Kansas City Chiefs!

One of Dad's favorite players, Miles Austin. He had an awesome game!

More Chiefs entrance pics.

The football crazies.

I love this picture of us!

Seriously, how hot is Tony Romo? And isn't my camera amazing?!

Also, I'd like to issue a welcome to the newest member of the Shaver family: Daisy Shaver. She's a doll and we are crazy about her. Right now, she's all curled up in my lap taking a nap. Dr. G saw her today and says she is completely healthy. I can't wait for everyone to see her!

Thursday, October 8, 2009

My Best Friend.....

My best friend died today. She wasn't much of a talker, but she let me know every day that she loved me. Each morning when I woke up, every day when I got home, and each night before I went to bed, I would get licks and nuzzles that told me I was special.

Journey was my Valentine's Day present from Danny in 2008. When we got her, she was 8 weeks old and only 4 lbs. She let us know immediately that she was going to have quite the personality. Our first night home with her, I had her outside every hour on the hour because I didn't want her to wake up the neighbors with her crying in the kennel. It tooks months, but we settled into a routine of Danny keeping her up late to play, and me getting up with her early to play some more.

She was so smart and always did so amazing in her training classes. Her favorite was "come when called." We would have to stand at the end of the aisle in PetSmart while the trainer held her on her leash. Then we would call her name, and she would have to leave all the treats and come to us. All of the other dogs would always stop at the treats, but not Journey. She just cared about being with me.

We took her with us everywhere. She went to Hailey's softball and soccer games, at times to work, and frequent trips back home. Journey was an amazing car rider. I know it wasn't safe, but she loved to curl up in my lap while I drove.

As a puppy, she was a wild woman. She ran everywhere and played constantly. I can't tell you the number of times that she woke us up with a squeaking ball. Within the last few months, she was starting to grow up and calm down more. She cuddled with me all of the time and was just the perfect size to curl up with on the couch. I loved waking up in the night to feel her curled up on the back of my legs.

She was a terror at times too.At last count, she destroyed: two pairs of glasses, three lamp cords, numerous toys, the cord for the cell phone and home phone, my Ipod headphones, all of my Old Navy flip flops for the 2008 season, tennis shoes, and an attempt on my cell phone. After eating those things, she would look up at you with that adorable face as if she was saying, "Oops. I didn't mean to." Luckily she had outgrown the chewing.

On an afternoon in March, I got out of the shower, and Journey's head was shaking in a weird manner. Then, about 10 minutes later, she lost control of her back legs and couldn't walk. We rushed her to the vet and found out that she had had a seizure. Dr. G explained that it was probable that it would happen again. He also explained that it could be from a seizure condition, or from a mass on her brain. We left there a little worried about what might come, but were not willing to spend the money on the doggy CT Scan.

In the last 6 months, Journey's seizure count was up to 4. We have also noticed that her personality was changing. She has been getting cranky and would bark at odd times. We also noticed her getting more and more aggressive at times as well. The vet said that this could be caused by either a mass on her brain, or seizure disorders also can cause aggressiveness. Today, she bit my niece who had done nothing to provoke her. Adi is fine and it didn't break the skin. However, Danny and I knew that next time it could be worse. I talked to Dr. G as well, and he also agreed that this wouldn't be an isolated incident and Journey's condition would only worsen.

Danny and I took her in. Because I knew she would freak out if I tried to leave her alone at the vet, we stayed and she died comfortably and happy on my lap. That's where she always wanted to be anyway. I think this was the hardest thing I've ever had to do.

I just buried my best friend.

No one knows the real reason we got Journey. I had been living in Kansas City for 8 months and I was terribly homesick. It was hard on me knowing that Danny had Hailey who always chose him, and no one picked me. I loved my little family, but I need someone here that was here for me since all of my family was 200 miles away. We picked Journey out online and she stole my heart immediately. We puppy shopped for quite awhile before we found her. The minute I saw her, I knew she was the one.

She has been the best dog and friend anyone could ever ask for. My heart is breaking into a million pieces tonight as I know I will never see her little smile again, or see her little butt shake because she is so excited to see me. I just saw Charlie pick up one of her toys and was angry that he dared touch it. My baby is gone. I know we did the right thing, but it doesn't help me know that she will never run through the backyard she was so happy in again. I dread going to bed tonight because she always jumped in bed and layed on my pillow first.

I miss my friend.

We love you Journey America Shaver and we can't wait to see you again.