Monday, May 25, 2009

Sweet Surrender

At this moment, life is so good. I am sitting on my deck drinking Sprite, while I watch my husband, daughter, and dog play in the backyard. Just moments ago, we saw a doe and two babies right at our back property line. I have my Finch food and Hummingbird feeder up. Although the house still needs a lot of things unpacked and put away, right now in this moment, there is no place that I would rather be.

Our neighborhood is so quiet. Until the neighbor behind us began mowing his yard, the only sounds I could hear were Danny & Hailey's voices. Hailey has kids to play with on each side of our house. Even though it hit the 90's over here on both Saturday and Sunday, our house is staying surprisingly cool with the attic fan. Our dog is having an absolute blast running through our backyard, and is worn out each night just from trying to stay moving with us.

Last night we had our first night together with just us in the house. Both Friday and Saturday, there were people flitting in and out. Last night, Danny grilled steaks while I made green beans and potatoes. We sat down for dinner together and it was so perfect.

Yesterday, Hailey helped me re-pot a plant and then I began edging part of the front yard while she played with the boy next door. It is so nice to have a place to work outside and play outside. A space that is completely ours!

Today we do have to finish getting everything put away and organized. But for right now, I'm going to grab a book and stay right here on my deck and revel in the fact that my wildest dreams continue to come true.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

And She Outsmarted Me

I sat Hailey down a few weeks ago to have a serious talk with her about water wasting. I have never in my life seen someone take as long of, and as hot of, a shower as what she does. Mirrors are fogged up, door handles are slick, and steam fills the room. No joke.

This little girl will stand under the water playing until her finger tips are wrinkled up like Estelle Getty's body. She has such an imagination that even after we took all of her water toys out of the shower, she has managed to make the washcloth be fun. If we tell her to take a fast shower, we know that it will still be approximately 15 minutes before she appears out of the bathroom.

Water is not cheap. The purpose of my talk was twofold: I wanted her to take faster showers to save us some money; and I also wanted her to stop drying out her skin. Since the talk, the temperature of her showers has improved drastically. However, the timing has not gone down a lick.

I cornered her again yesterday about saving water and how it helps the Earth.

Her response, "If you didn't make me take a shower everyday, we would save a whole lot more water."

I can't argue with that.

Sunday, May 17, 2009


This is a quickie. Who knew that back on December 19th, 2008 when this started:

That exactly 5 months to the date later, this would be ours?

That's right. Tuesday, May 19th, 2009, we will be homeowners. Danny and I have spent the weekend packing, planning, and dreaming. Tomorrow night we do the final walk through where we get to check on everything and make sure it is still in tip top shape. Then we are coming home to try to wrap up the packing. Tuesday afternoon at 1:00 we meet to sign all of the paperwork. From what I hear, I need to bring a new pen because by the time we're finished, we will be out of ink. We are going to spend every evening this week cleaning and packing our little SUV full of boxes so that we can move as much as we can over ahead of time. The goal is the have the beds over on Friday night so that we can spend our first night there, and then we have a truck for Saturday AM. The hubby and I cannot wait and are looking forward to showing off our new home.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009


Dear Hubby,

We are now one week from buying our first home together. Let me tell you a secret; I am terrified. We have been building up to this for some time now, but it is still a scary thing. As you know, I had a hard time committing to anything and you've seen me through it. We have done a 13 month locked in lease, a 5 year car loan, and the biggest one of all--marriage.

This is huge though. This is a payment every month for 30 years. This is replacing roofs, painting, new garage doors. It's landscaping, and curtains, and drains clogging up. It's replacing carpet when it goes bad, and furnaces going out.

After last night though, I am ready.

Last night at Hailey's soccer game, it all clicked for me. Watching our daughter score 3 goals, get 4 assists, and basically kick ass, I realized she is fearless out there. She was weaving in and out of defenders and blocking goals right and left. Hailey ran as fast as she could throughout each quarter and never gave up. When she looked winded, her coach asked if she needed a break and each time she said no. She knew that her team needed her and she wasn't giving up. Hailey is fearless.

I have spent my entire life being scared that things will get out of control. I work so hard to micro-manage every part of our life in an effort to always be prepared. Failure scares me. I worry about what might go wrong with this house and what might happen.

In 2 and a half years, you've taught me to be willing to take risks. I've watched you struggle with your issues daily, but you never give up and challenge yourself to do better. You may never get me to walk on the wild side completely, but you have changed me.

I am ready for this next challenge in our life. I am ready for the plans we have for ourselves. I am ready to face everything because I know we can do anything together. You have spent 7 years teaching Hailey to face her fears, and now you are doing the same with me.

Because of you, I am Fearless.

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Mother's Day

Today has been hard for me. Not because of too much fun at a certain bachelorette's party, but rather instead because I didn't get to see my mom today. I also didn't get to see Hailey today. On this Mother's Day, I'm a Mom without a child and a motherless child. I realized how very much I miss my mom so I kind of needed to do a post for her.

Dear Mom,

On this day I spent a 4 hour drive back to Kansas City thinking about what it means to be a mom. Now that I'm parenting someone, I truly realize how hard it is. I question myself constantly wondering if I'm doing the right things. In my 25 years on Earth, I can honestly say that you did way more right than you have ever done wrong. In being a bonus mom, I see what kind of "real" mom I could have ended up with. I am blessed beyond compare because of things you have taught me. You never missed a ball game or a band concert. I never had to worry about not having something I needed for school, or clothes that fit. You worked countless extra weekends or were on call just so you had extra money for basketball camps, Young Life camps, or prom. Every phone call ends with an I love you, and I don't leave your house without hearing that too. Now that you are a grandma, you are still constantly helping me. Thank you so much for all of the clothes for Hailey. That is such a big help to us. Thank you for always making time to come visit. Sometimes I am so homesick for Illinois that I want to cry. You help me with that because I know that I won't go much more than a month without seeing you. Thank you for the trips to Kirksville when I was in college. You would drop everything to bring me medicine, an air conditioner, or anything else I happened to forget. I have never had to do without anything. If I can be half the mother you have been, I will be thrilled. There may be times where you question whether or not you've succeeded as a mom. I will tell you that any difficulties we may have had are all outweighed by the good that you have done. Thank you again Mom. Happy Mother's Day. I can't wait to give you a hug on Tuesday.

On another note, I won my first blog award!! Amy over at Bitchin Wives Club gave me some bloggy love in the form of this:

The stipulation is that I need to pass it on. So Kelly Klauser come on down! I want to pass this on to you for numerous reasons. You gave me my love for New Kids on the Block. I loved baby sitting your kids. You used to baby sit me. I thought you were the coolest older cousin. I also love your blog! So keep the love flowing!

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Happy Birthday Dad!

It is my Dad's 48th birthday today. That makes me feel rather old. I know it should make him feel old, but instead I'm noticing how fast time is passing. My Dad is a great family man and has given me so much. It is because of him that I have my love for both reading and history.

My Dad has also given me my love for several other things:

1) Nutty Bars. How wonderful are those things? Peanut Butter & chocolate on a tasty wafer that virtually melts in your mouth. I can recall eating plenty of those for breakfast. I may go ahead and blame my teenage weight gain and acne on those bars. Yep that'd do it.

2) John Denver. Yes, I am 25 years old and I have a love affair with John Denver. That music is my comfort music when I am sad, homesick, or sick. Perhaps Love truly is the muse for all Poems, Prayers, and Promises. I used to listen to John Denver on bus rides before softball and basketball games. Everyone else is listening to a little rap, maybe some hip hop. I'm jamming to a little Rocky Mountain High. Thanks Dad for teaching me how to fit in.

3) Being in Charge. My Dad coached me in softball and basketball for many years. As "Coach," he was the boss. I felt that as his oldest child, that made me the boss as well. Bossiness is my specialty, and I love to be in control of everything. That being said, this is also the thing that my friends and hubby get the most annoyed with me about. My response? I'm in charge bitches.

4) Being early. I love to be early everywhere. My goal is to arrive 10-15 minutes early no matter where we go. The purpose is twofold: I am never late this way, and I get to scope everyone else out. This always helps in new situations as I never feel the awkwardness as the new kid in town. Because I arrive 10-15 minutes early, the other new kids assume that I'm part of the in crowd. I do however take the being early bug to an insane level. If I am going to be late to anything, I typically won't go. This can explain why my grades my sophomore year in college went downhill. Blame yourself Dad.

5) Musicals. I know what you're thinking here, and please don't stop being my friend. Yes I love John Denver and musicals, but I promise that I can get down to some Lady Gaga too. The idea of people stopping what they are doing and breaking out in song is amazing to me though. I'm walking down the street and suddenly the hills are alive with the Sound of Music. I'm cleaning my kitchen and oddly enough, I've got a rocket in my pocket. . . Stay cool boy. I'm walking down the street and I'm belting out, "Prepare ye the way of the Lord." If you don't recognize those tunes, rent The Sound of Music, West Side Story, and Godspell. Dad, the hubby thanks you for my social awkwardness in public. Truly he does.

Honestly Dad, thanks for being you and for always loving me. Thank you for showing me how wonderful a big family truly is, for teaching me to be able to laugh at myself and at life in general, and for all of the hugs. I love you!

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

A Letter to Aunt Janet

Dear Aunt Janet,

I'm sick. My nose is running and I can't catch it.

My throat has a tickle that just won't go away.

I've gone through a box of tissues & my nose is all raw.

To quote my friend's 17 year old son, "my dome piece is bangin'."

That means my head hurts.

I've taken some medicine and tried some cough drops.

I've gotten extra sleep.

Campbells Chicken Noodle soup has let me down. Progresso just won't do.

I'm going to need you to overnight me some of your oh-so-good homemade chicken noodle soup with the big fat noodles. If I don't get some soon, I'm afraid of what the reprecussions might be. Please don't forget about your neice in Missouri.

Love you,

Monday, May 4, 2009

Bonus Mom Blues

I lost it on Friday. Anyone who saw my Facebook status would know this. I don't have an excuse, but would like to make sure that everyone knows my allergies are killing me and I can barely breathe. That being said, I still lost it.

I pride myself in the fact that as a divorced kid, I can handle this bonus mom thing better than most. Typically I do, but Friday. . . I lost it.

Friday evening started out as most Friday evening's do for our family. Danny & I got off work, came home and took the dog out, and picked up some movies at Blockbuster. Because I wasn't feeling well, I didn't want to cook, so it was a fend for yourself night in our household. Danny & I were all cuddled in our bed to watch Slumdog Millionaire when the phone rings. It is 6:45 and the real mom is on the phone wondering why we haven't picked Hailey up yet. The hubby replies that it's not our weekend. Real mom "politely" says, " Well you need to come get her."

Then I lost it.

It is incredibly frustrating sometimes to have our lives feel like they are run by another woman. Particularly when said other woman only has the bonus child, her real child, every other weekend. Step up to the plate when you can lady! Don't back down!

I try to never lose it in front of the hubby, and this time I was successful. It's a good thing he is technologically challenged and doesn't have Facebook or read blogs. I know how hard it is for him to be caught between two women: one that he is married to, and the other with whom he made the most perfect creature to grace the Earth. And no matter what, my hubby will always do what is best for his daughter.

Last night when I almost told Danny that I lost it on Friday, we instead talked about how frustrated we get with the real mom. This after she called to request to pick Hailey up to have her spend Sunday night and then never showed up. While we were curled up in bed ready to go to sleep, he tells me that he has made a lot of mistakes. But, he wouldn't change anything he's done in the past because everything led him right to me.

That my friends is why I try not to lose it.