Tuesday, May 12, 2009


Dear Hubby,

We are now one week from buying our first home together. Let me tell you a secret; I am terrified. We have been building up to this for some time now, but it is still a scary thing. As you know, I had a hard time committing to anything and you've seen me through it. We have done a 13 month locked in lease, a 5 year car loan, and the biggest one of all--marriage.

This is huge though. This is a payment every month for 30 years. This is replacing roofs, painting, new garage doors. It's landscaping, and curtains, and drains clogging up. It's replacing carpet when it goes bad, and furnaces going out.

After last night though, I am ready.

Last night at Hailey's soccer game, it all clicked for me. Watching our daughter score 3 goals, get 4 assists, and basically kick ass, I realized she is fearless out there. She was weaving in and out of defenders and blocking goals right and left. Hailey ran as fast as she could throughout each quarter and never gave up. When she looked winded, her coach asked if she needed a break and each time she said no. She knew that her team needed her and she wasn't giving up. Hailey is fearless.

I have spent my entire life being scared that things will get out of control. I work so hard to micro-manage every part of our life in an effort to always be prepared. Failure scares me. I worry about what might go wrong with this house and what might happen.

In 2 and a half years, you've taught me to be willing to take risks. I've watched you struggle with your issues daily, but you never give up and challenge yourself to do better. You may never get me to walk on the wild side completely, but you have changed me.

I am ready for this next challenge in our life. I am ready for the plans we have for ourselves. I am ready to face everything because I know we can do anything together. You have spent 7 years teaching Hailey to face her fears, and now you are doing the same with me.

Because of you, I am Fearless.


  1. Make sure you check out the link. It's the cutest song ever. I just couldn't figure out how to link the You Tube video into my blog.

  2. WOW jess...what a post. I am teary-eyed with your description of Hailey's game and her fearless attitude! Good for her, and Good for YOU for teaching your child as well as learning from her, not to mention knowing this early in the game of life that you and Danny are partners. You will lean on one another, draw from the others strengths, and help each other deal with your weaknesses!!!! Go Team Shaver!!!

    I remember that First Time Mortgage Fear....once you walk in the door with your key in your hand it will ease, and as you make your payments, and the months blend to years, and you have a feeling of peace and serenity that comes from your HOME, it will pass....and pass quick as time seems to do.

    Great seeing you this weekend....looking forward to the weddings coming up and seeing Danny and Hailey too!

  3. I've been a committment-phobe all of my life. Marriage scared the bejesus out of me and I questioned it a lot, not many people know that. The day we signed on our house, I had a mild panice attack....30 years of payments, there was no turning back. But you know change is good, even though I hate it and we all usually adapt better than we though. I guarantee once the closing is over and you are settled in, you will forever be grateful to be a homeowner rather than a renter, you can put your mark on it and make it your own. Yes, it does suck when you have major repairs (flooded basement! LOL) but you get through it and are thankful for what you have. You and I are a lot alike and both are lucky enough to have hubbies that support us through it all and push us to do things that would otherwise scare us.

    Love you

  4. Honey you are my Rock and i love you sooo much. Together we can acomplish our Hopes and Dreams. I cant wait to make our new house a HOME. p.s. Hurry home I miss you

  5. Yea Jessi...committments and decisions and monthly payments-scarey but what makes life interesting. Owning is so much better than renting-it is YOUR choices and decisions. You are doing great-you have a great hubby and daughter....enjoy and go for the gold!

  6. This is an amazing blog, Jess. I have loved being the friend that has seen all the changes in the Shaver family first hand and being part of it as it all happens.
    Aunt Cindy ---will you just adopt me? LOL!!

  7. You won my giveaway: http://classychaosreviews.blogspot.com/2009/05/just-in-time-for-mothers-day.html

    I need your home adress. PLease send it to me classychaos@ gmail dot com



Let me know why you love life today!