We are now one week from buying our first home together. Let me tell you a secret; I am terrified. We have been building up to this for some time now, but it is still a scary thing. As you know, I had a hard time committing to anything and you've seen me through it. We have done a 13 month locked in lease, a 5 year car loan, and the biggest one of all--marriage.
This is huge though. This is a payment every month for 30 years. This is replacing roofs, painting, new garage doors. It's landscaping, and curtains, and drains clogging up. It's replacing carpet when it goes bad, and furnaces going out.
After last night though, I am ready.
Last night at Hailey's soccer game, it all clicked for me. Watching our daughter score 3 goals, get 4 assists, and basically kick ass, I realized she is fearless out there. She was weaving in and out of defenders and blocking goals right and left. Hailey ran as fast as she could throughout each quarter and never gave up. When she looked winded, her coach asked if she needed a break and each time she said no. She knew that her team needed her and she wasn't giving up. Hailey is fearless.
I have spent my entire life being scared that things will get out of control. I work so hard to micro-manage every part of our life in an effort to always be prepared. Failure scares me. I worry about what might go wrong with this house and what might happen.
In 2 and a half years, you've taught me to be willing to take risks. I've watched you struggle with your issues daily, but you never give up and challenge yourself to do better. You may never get me to walk on the wild side completely, but you have changed me.
I am ready for this next challenge in our life. I am ready for the plans we have for ourselves. I am ready to face everything because I know we can do anything together. You have spent 7 years teaching Hailey to face her fears, and now you are doing the same with me.
Because of you, I am Fearless.