Monday, May 4, 2009

Bonus Mom Blues

I lost it on Friday. Anyone who saw my Facebook status would know this. I don't have an excuse, but would like to make sure that everyone knows my allergies are killing me and I can barely breathe. That being said, I still lost it.

I pride myself in the fact that as a divorced kid, I can handle this bonus mom thing better than most. Typically I do, but Friday. . . I lost it.

Friday evening started out as most Friday evening's do for our family. Danny & I got off work, came home and took the dog out, and picked up some movies at Blockbuster. Because I wasn't feeling well, I didn't want to cook, so it was a fend for yourself night in our household. Danny & I were all cuddled in our bed to watch Slumdog Millionaire when the phone rings. It is 6:45 and the real mom is on the phone wondering why we haven't picked Hailey up yet. The hubby replies that it's not our weekend. Real mom "politely" says, " Well you need to come get her."

Then I lost it.

It is incredibly frustrating sometimes to have our lives feel like they are run by another woman. Particularly when said other woman only has the bonus child, her real child, every other weekend. Step up to the plate when you can lady! Don't back down!

I try to never lose it in front of the hubby, and this time I was successful. It's a good thing he is technologically challenged and doesn't have Facebook or read blogs. I know how hard it is for him to be caught between two women: one that he is married to, and the other with whom he made the most perfect creature to grace the Earth. And no matter what, my hubby will always do what is best for his daughter.

Last night when I almost told Danny that I lost it on Friday, we instead talked about how frustrated we get with the real mom. This after she called to request to pick Hailey up to have her spend Sunday night and then never showed up. While we were curled up in bed ready to go to sleep, he tells me that he has made a lot of mistakes. But, he wouldn't change anything he's done in the past because everything led him right to me.

That my friends is why I try not to lose it.


  1. Hang in there. Praise God that all out mess ups are covered by God's grace. When things get tough, try to remember that Jesus died for her as well. I am so proud of you. Give Danny a hug for me. He is a special guy. Tell Hailey I love her.


  2. Believe me Jess, I know how you are feeling! Sometimes when you want to explode, the best thing to do is take a couple deep breaths and not say anything. You don't want to put Danny in the middle even though he is already there. Mentally you do not want to put him there... I'd say you did good! Love you, Deb ;-)

  3. You. my dear, deserve to "lose it" from time to time. We all do!(ask my boys...or Uncle Joe) This is if you are Bonus Mom or just Regular Ol' everyday mom! We just have times that the other people in our lives (even the ones we don't particularly want there) don't live up to the expectations we have at the moment. Could be we are wrong, could be they are, but for whatever reason in that moment we can't hold it together.....Don't ever try to be Super Mom, Super Wife or even Super to, don't yell, but you need to let your feelings be NOT bottle them up. Danny loves you, and he will understand that sometimes you just need to get things off your chest. Of course it goes without saying that this does NOT include Hailey...ALL the adults in her life need to have her best interest at heart at all times, and I know you do...that is what makes you BETTER than a Bonus Mom. I love you Jess, and I am proud of you...You are quite the young woman!

  4. Jess, you are plain awesome! I wouldn't have been able to handle it as well as you did. When I get mad, I have to let it out or I'm a mess. You are an awesome wife and mom and I have no doubts you'll always do your best by those two .
    Love ya.


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